Please pray for DJ and I. This week has been WONDERFUL for many, many families and dozens of precious Ethiopian children, but a strong reminder that we are sitting on the sidelines of the adoption game and can't play. I check our adoption agency's (CHSFS) forum every day (I need to stop) and with the impending rainy season just around the corner, CHSFS has worked really hard to place lots of children before the cutoff. (Our friends, the Warrens, received their referral for a BEAUTIFUL little boy - YAY!!!) It has been an exciting and surprising couple of weeks watching as DJ and I climb higher and higher on the waiting list. We're now #3 - which should be GREAT, and is, but it is also H-A-R-D knowing that one of the referrals for siblings could have been ours (which, I know, is NOT what God had planned all along, I'm not in need of a theological reminder). 3 week old triplets were referred to a couple just this week and WE WERE THE NEXT IN LINE FOR TRIPLETS (I humbly realize that these people are probably terrific and have been waiting just as long - they deserve these babies)!!
I'm going to end this post now, because I realize there is no way for someone to understand our heavy hearts, but please know that to us, this is a completely separate issue than our baby growing inside my belly - we're still ecstatic to be parents to this little one.
9 comments:
I love hearing your heart and how honest you are. Thank you for opening yourself up to us!
My prayer is that you will feel Jesus aching with you. He sees each tear that falls, he knows your pain, and he is loving on your children more than you'll ever know, even now.
we are praying for you!
oh, Lindsey, I can easily see how incredibly difficult that is. . .How even when you know the theology, that living in that truth requires hourly reminders for yourself. . .how the wondering, of "what if" or "would that have been" make it so hard.
Don't worry, I know this is a totally different thing than your baby. . I have many friends who have had to do what you are doing and sit out for a time. It is not easy, especially when your heart is there hook link and sinker! I understand. .it's ok to have a hard time with this. . give yourself permission so you don't feel guilty every time you struggle. It doesn't mean you resent your baby even if you think, "Had we not been pregnant, we would have. . ". It just means you are adjusting to God's wonderful plans.
Love you,
Brandi
Thanks for sharing Lindsey. I cannot even imagine the pain and excitement mixed together. Life can be so strange sometimes! I know that you all trust God's plans - it can be so hard, though, when our emotions don't match up. I'll be praying.
Not that I confess this often, but even though I would love to get pregnant, I fear that I would be disappointed because I have been thinking that the next children in our family would be African American...and we just can't create that :)
All of this will work together, allow yourself to grieve.
praying for you guys!
I know that waiting has to be tough. Rest assured that the ones God has for you, you will receive! (even little surprises that grow in your belly...each time for me hasn't been "planned" but they were hand made by our creator for my family...praise God for our blessings!)
I so admire your honesty. I think we often feel like some things are not ok to talk about even though we feel them. The more we can share the more our heart opens. Thanks for trusting all of us to be your sounding board. We'll be praying for you.
we love you
Post a Comment